Tijuana Lady...

3.45pm and I'm on a tram to the Mexican border. You basically jump on one of these and it takes you straight there in 25mins - very bizarre. Ive befriended a couple of guys from Glasgow and they heading to Tijuana as well (small world but wouldn't want to paint it as my mum would say).. Should be fun and the Glasgow banter is flowing. Glasgow boys have the best one liner put downs. It's a recreational activity for men to constantly slag your mates in Glasgow, known locally as "pelters". Some of the one liners so far is "he so tight, only the dogs can hear him fart", followed with a rhetorical "aye, your tighter than two coats of paint mate!" - they definitely keeping me amused.  

The mexican border. Weirdly enough, no officials at the gate. Just a metal turnstile with no one at the other end. They are basically throwing you over the fence to get in there... Bizarre, very very bizarre..

7hrs later and I'm back in San Diego - phew! Not sure what to make of Tijuana.. It's defiantly a dirty town.. Gritty with sweaty wee men and women everywhere. You look down an alleyway and just see white eye reflections peering back, cartoon style. Music blares from everywhere and is a mix of euro techno that you would hear in Spain and crazy high octane salsa.

We went to a restaurant, which was also a bar, club/knocking shop all in one. The food was pretty good, the alcohol was cheep and watered down and the birds were minging.. They have this thing where a guy goes round, blowing a whistle and then forcibly grabs a dining punter, pours tequila down his neck, then holds his mouth shut with a dirty wee cloth until they swallow - it looked brutal and one of my Glasgow mates said he felt totally violated after the sordid experience! The guy came up to me, wailing on his spit ridden whistle, dirty bar cloth in hand and tried to get me in a headlock. Luckily I have ninja like reflexes and my compadre was soon put in his place (total exaggeration as I politely declined but trying to keep you all amused). Anyway, the lads wanted to go to a strip club and invited me along. I can't imagine what a Tijuana stripper looks like but I googled one and nah... 

Nasty dirty looking chiccas. I waved goodbye to the tartan army and headed back with the rest of my tour, who I nicknamed The U.N - we travelled back in silence and I kinda wished I'd have stayed out with the lads but to be honest, I was cramping their style.... 

When we all got back to the hostel EVERYONE had a shower (not together). Moral of the story... Tijuana is a dirty town and there ARE no ladies!

So right now I'm blogging from a San Diego bar and glad to be back! I've found a place which is now my local and I don't feel intimidated about going in there for a drink on my own. It's basically a cigar club called The Cuban where you can smoke and drink indoors, which is as rare as kryptonite in the state of California. I know the waitress by first name, the seats are plush leather and comfy and even the women that come here are chuffing on pne of Panamas finest hand-rolled.. It stinks but its empty and a real haven. It's heaving in San Diego tonight. All the ladies are tarted up and the guys are on heat.. This place is nirvana to me....

Heading back home now although worried about my Glasgow boys. They think they having a mad night in Sucheihall st - couldn't be further my little deep fry pizza eating friends. Tijuana is Cartel country. No place for gallous weedgies (translation for English friends is lairy Glaswegians) .. Adios amigos. im off to bed but hope my celtic brothers make it back over the border, healthy and happy! they asked me to check pn them by 1pm tomorrow. if they not back, i need to call british consulatexxx