Never eat a Polar bears liver

It's a question I know that has perplexed the best of us for many years "What would happen if I ate a Polar Bears liver?". Lots of people nodding their head in agreement I can sense.... 

Anyway, being on the road means that I like to fill myself with useless information from the super information highway and this one came up..

Well the answer is NO, don't eat it, put the fork down. i don't care if its smothered in bacon and onions, served with a buttery colcannon and gravy, it will kill you and here is why:

The native peoples of the Arctic have never shied away from cooking up some polar bear stew, but they've long known to avoid eating the livers of various arctic creatures. Western explorers, however, learned the hard way. As early as 1596, explorers returned to Europe with accounts of horrible illnesses resulting from the consumption of polar bear liver .

Illness severity depended on how much liver the explorers consumed, but symptoms typically included drowsiness, sluggishness, irritability, severe headache, bone pain, blurred vision and vomiting. Perhaps the most horrific symptom they encountered was peeling skin. While milder cases merely involved flaking around the mouth, some accounts reported cases of full-body skin loss. Even the thick skin on the bottoms of a patient's feet could peel away, leaving the underlying flesh bloody and exposed. The worst cases ended in liver damage, hemorrhage, coma and death.

These explorers suffered from acute hypervitaminosis A, a condition resulting from the overconsumption of vitamin A during a short period of time. The polar bear's liver, much like those of arctic seals and huskies, contains extremely high levels of retinol (the form of vitamin A found in members of the animal kingdom).

Fascinating bit of triv eh, but were you thinking what I was thinking?? Who was the fat bastard that ate so much bear liver that he could peel his feet like a satsuma, until he gradually lapsed into a coma and died. By the sounds of it, they were probably happy to be rid of him!!. Seriously! No one needs a total gannet while on an artic expedition. Especially when food is so scarce you have resorted to eating the offal from an endangered species.. Just saying guys ;-)  

Anyway, had a bit of R&R time with my buddy Shaney out in Sarasota. Well I say R&R - it was fucking carnage as we both drink like fishes and lets just say, he's a thirstier fish than me. First night was "just a quiet one", 3 double gins, 3 glasses of wine, followed by a 2 litre bottle of white zinfandel, then washed down by 2 bottles of Sauvignon Blanc, followed by a couple of LARGE vodkas and lime.. carnage!!

I didn't actually get a photo of Shane and I together, so here is one we made earlier at old Prawn eyes 40th birthday.. 

God bless him, he still managed to get up for work the next day but after a half day at the office, he came back, took me out to breakfast and I ate about a skidmark of scrambled egg before I threw the towel in. Not to mention, I'm still unwell and in dire need of antibiotics. Sounds like I've got whooping cough a close relative to Marge Simpson - nasty! Anyway, after brunch, we go back to Shane's, have a little snooze and decided on another "quiet one". 

So we went to the local Italian arounf 9.30pm, had a bottle of wine, 2 courses and a few back at the Thirsty Turtle (Shane's local).. Got a cab back and we were home by a respectable 12.30 ("quiet one"). Early night yeah? WRONG!! When back, we decide to polish off that gargantuan bottle of fancy vodka he had situated on the top of the fridge and only headed off to bed because the sun was coming up and we were running low on Marlborough.. His neighbours must have loved us, partying out on the balcony, listening to guilty pleasures such as Wham, Beyonce, Kate Bush & Springsteen. Hilarious!! 

I saw this little dude trying to cross the road, so jumped out of the car and moved him onto the grass. Anyway, about an hour later we drive back to Shane's and we see this little dude trying to cross the dual carriage way. It was horrible!! Lucky enough, people were driving round him but they were going at a speed. All you needed was some skittery old dude and he would be a goner.. I couldn't look, it was too distressing but also too dangerous to try save him.. 

Shane lives in a beautiful part of the world and on Sunday he showed me round town, including a trip to the beach which has some cute little bars and restaurants dotted round.

The beach was gorgeous, all white powdery sands, water like turquoise glass and a smattering of hot guys just for good measure (always a bonus). We then went to a place called St Armard circle

for cocktails and I totally fell in love. its a mix of little colourful boutique shops (selling some right dodgy outfits), beautiful little restaurants and some lovely cocktails bars, which we took full advantage of..

We rounded off the night at a restaurant called Longhorns for a juicy steak and then headed back to the Thirsty Turtle to finish what we started Friday.. Good times but as you can imagine, the next day I was as sick as a parrot and had to catch my flight to Panama. Cutting a long story short, I missed my flight :-( so they moved me onto the next one, which was the following day. To be honest, I welcomed this, as I was in no fit state to travel to a foreign country and navigate round Panama City on my own. Not to mention, my hangover paranoia was off the hook.. 

So next day I'm on the plane, heading to Panama City. Got chatting to a lovely wee man sitting next to me from Idaho. We were getting on swimmingly until he told me that he hates Californians (fair enough, each to their own, everyone's entitled to their own opinion, yeah?)... He then proceeded to tell me he wouldn't give a shit if it dropped into the Ocean and wiped them all out (erm..ok, bit harsh mate but freedom of speech and all that jazz). THEN he highlighted "especially what goes on up in that San Francisco area" and actually screwed up his face, like I'd just given him a ripe Dirty Sanchez!!.  Well, the shutters came down on him instantly after that. He got "The Look" and the headphones got whacked on (I just wish I could do that raised one eyebrow trick like my mum and uncle Stephen... Hmmm) - subtlety has never been my strong point - fact! and he was feeling it!.. Fucking Nazi's.. They live among us and cunningly disguised as cute wee old men - clever bloody bastards ain't they???!!! Be warned guys... They walk among us....

Anyhoo

OK, I'LL ADMIT IT.. I'm missing my little sis LOADS.. Just thinking about some of her funny quotes and reactions to thing makes me chuckle and pine for her. For instance, just before our Marilyn Manson Halloween extravaganza, we were having lunch. Conversation goes like this:

Kathleen: "What is Marilyn Manson real name?"

Me: "Brian"

Kathleen: (immediately starts choking on her food, face starts going purple and basically doing one of those hysterical silent laughs)

Me: "what?"

K: (in hysterics and has tears) "well that's kinda killed the moment eh???"

Basically we did not stop laughing for 10 whole days. It was great!. So nice to have someone (other than yourself) that gets your jokes. I'm famously known for LOVING my own jokes and usually laugh the loudest. WELL, Kathleen is the same, if not worse, although sometimes she doesn't even get to the punch line before erupting into a fit of irrational hysterics. Lol!

We both missed the parents though and wished they would have been there to share the experience. They would have loved our little adventure.

God I love that kid.. x

So Panama.. 

Verdict so far is, I thought it would have been more 3rd world but it actually seems to be quite affluent (although not massively). The people are über friendly, the climate is über hot & humid and so far, everything is über cheap. It's so humid here that when I open my door in the morning to have a ciggy outside, by the time I go back inside, all the mirrors in the room have steamed up like I've just had a lava bath.. The weather is crazy odd but from what I've seen so far, it's beautiful and I'm still in the capital, which is the least beautiful part. I've seen some cool wildlife so far but keeping you guys on ice until my next post. but until then, i saw my first wild Sloth

Oh, just in case I forget, I've created a new invention that I wish to share with you guys.. 

Basically, I like steak and mash potato and always order my steak medium, BUT sometimes it comes back a bit too bloody. The dilemma I have is that when I cut into my steak, my plate is covered in blood and my mash turns pink and I won't eat it. Tonight, I had the same dilemma. I ordered medium but it came out medium rare (grrrr). So THIS TIME I built a mash potato dam (about 6" long and about 0.5" wide) around my mashed spud!! This worked a treat!,, I could cut away into the meat with gay abandon without worrying that my potato will be contamited with bovine blood. I'm thinking about approaching the Dragons Den with my new Brain Child..it's cunningly named "The Mash Moat".. You heard it here first kids x

Adios me amigos xxx